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They’ve only had the tele-recording this morning. Do you think I’ll get an offer? I’m sure of it. Any moment. Horseacre, a little matter of legal contract. I’ll leave you to your business. Thank you again, darling. It’s a matter of an underage minor contracted as an artist. Maisie? Maisie, has the kid been around here? Oh, sure. We have lots of young boys around here. Shh! They’ll think it’s the police rounds. Maisie doll, this is urgent! So, what’s the matter? I can’t find Bongo. So? He ran out of rehearsal. Oh, is that all? What do you mean, ‘ls that all?’ I’ve got the greatest deal I’ve ever lined up in my life, and this stupid imbecile suddenly decides to go and get temperamental. All right, don’t bite me as well as everybody else. Who’s biting? I’m just worried, that’s all. So you come to little white mother Maisie. All right, twist the knife! Ever since you got into the gravy, you’ve been screaming as though you were drowning. Why does he do this to me? Don’t worry, Johnny. He’s probably chatting it up with some wide-eyed kid in a coffee bar somewhere. Maybe you’re right. I think I know the very kid. Like the sun, Bongo, you mustn’t take too much of it at once. Anything you say, Dixie. You’re the boss now. Good. Turn over. Do you think Games You think Johnny will make any trouble? Johnny is not in a position to make anything any more. It’s gonna be marvellous going to the States. With me? Yeah, with you. I bet you thought I was a real drip when I got sloshed here that first night. You’d be surprised what I thought. You see, I never thought of me and you in that way. Well, you wouldn’t really. But I’ll say this for you, Dixie, you’ve got what it takes. I’ve got the lot, haven’t I? The lot. Very lonely having the lot alone. Come on, you alone? You’re always in the papers. Sure, sure. What kind of act do we get to do in New York? Mmm. I haven’t thought out the details yet. You’ll sing Games Uh, yeah. I’ll freshen it up a bit, you know, put a bit of pep into your show. Thanks! Well, let’s face it, Dixie, you’re fabulous, but you’re a bit on the square side. I am, am I? Still Games You’re maybe getting on a bit. I think maybe I am. But you’re real class. I wonder if you’re gonna help me much. Help you what? Help me. Oh, hell, turn over. You’re done this side. Bongo? You can fool all of the people Some of the time You can fool some of the people All of the time Try to convey you’re as young as the day When a boy first kissed you Try to imply that the years passing by Somehow have missed you You can fool most of the people Lead them astray As a rule, most of the people Like it that way Telling them lies, throwing dust in their eyes Isn’t hard to do Fool them all But you can’t fool you I’m a fool. Why are you crucifying me, Bongo baby? What the hell are you doing here? That’s what I came here to ask you. Well, we’ve got work to do. You’re a variety artiste. The tour, remember? You’re trespassing on Dixie Collins’ property. And Dixie Collins is trespassing on mine. Now, you listen to me, Bert Rudge, I’ve got two seats booked on the Birmingham train on Monday. Well, you better flog one of them sharpish. I’m not coming. Say that again. Look, the tour’s no good for my career. All those kids screaming their heads off. Is that what you want for me? So, a week is bad? You’re just like that old woman of mine. You don’t care about me, it’s just the money. So, suddenly it’s all for love, is it? We’ve gotta love you, you idiot! Dixie and I are doing an act together. Maybe we’ll even do a film together. I suppose it’ll be about this great star, who, underneath it all, is just a lonely woman, and this great little kid, who, underneath it all, is just a rotten, ungrateful little scut! Get out. Now, get this message and get it clear. I own % of you, no matter which part you’re giving to Madam Collins! You keep your filthy mind to yourself. And you keep your filthy hands off my property! He’s got a four-year contract with me. In a pig’s eye, he has a contract. It’s about as legitimate as you are. You’ve got a real yen for that boy, haven’t you? You’re a real case. So are you, my friend. His signature doesn’t mean a thing. He’s underage. I see. But only for signing contracts and voting, I suppose. Everything else, he either knows already or you’ll teach him. I don’t have to take this from you. Get out or I’ll have you thrown out. I can get his parents to sign that contract anytime, if I wasn’t Games His parents will never sign with you because they’ve already signed with somebody else. Will you leave now, or shall I have you pushed over the edge? Oh, it’s gonna look great in the press. ‘Much fancied film star stables unbroken street Arab.’ Say what you like. It means as little as that contract of yours. Bongo is underage. To me, he looks, all of a sudden, very grown up. Not that way. The way you came in. That’s the end of him. You’re free, Bongo, you’re free! Tell me about New York, Dixie. Well, it’s full of Johnny Jacksons and Gus Mayers Games And Bongo Herberts? Don’t worry, honey, you’re unique. All right, so I signed the contract for Bongo’s tour, but not for dates like these! The dates are the same dates for anybody. I wouldn’t even offer them to a troop of performing dogs. I’m sorry, Mr Mayer, but I won’t let him play. Brava! Now, what’s that for? You are a performing dog, Johnny. I want you to know I appreciate your performance. Now, let’s finish the comedy. I’m afraid we mustn’t. You hear me out! You have signed on behalf of Bongo Herbert, and you can’t deliver. What do you mean, I can’t deliver? You can’t deliver him because you’ve never had him on a legal basis! Oh, I see. So, you enjoy the confidence of Miss Dixie Collins. My dear Johnny, no one could be sorrier than I am, but you’ve placed me in a very difficult position. What am I to do? I have contracts to live up to. I ought to have known. My little gutter-lily glistening up at that fabulous grifter! I understand how you must feel, my boy, but I cannot, with the best will in the world, allow your misfortune to become my own. All right, so I’m in trouble, Mr Mayer.
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