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Radios and Jack Reacher. Tonight’s gonna be a total Jack-off. You have something else here. What is it? Open it. Gryootings, Derek Zoolownder. Are you a Boxtroll? That’s Alexanya Atoz, owner of the largest fashion empire in the world. Because you are one of the world’s true fishion icons, I have personal selected you to come to Rome Radios The Eturnanal Cyootee Radios To muddel my nyouest colleeauction by my hoottest now designer Radios Doon Atari. Who? Don Atari. He’s “it” in fashion right now. People would die to be in his show. I can’t. I’m a hermit crab now. Gryootings, Derek Zoolownder. I already told you! It’s like you’re not even listening to me! Derek, uh Radios Eric. Maybe it’s time to engage with the world again. Think about it, man. This could be a sign. And what if it’s a stop sign, Billy? I used to be a successful model/fashion icon. Now, I’m just a model/failure. Slash-guy who is still a model/father. Slash-guy who killed his wife using cheap building materials that collapsed on her. Slash-guy who has got to stop beating himself up about that! Slash-guy who couldn’t make spaghetti soft so they took away his son, so-slash-now he’s alone and hiding from the world. Slash. Slash-have you ever even tried to get your son back? You can do that? Yeah. You’d hire a litigator, he files the appropriate paperwork Radios But I don’t even know where he is. First things first. If you take this job that Alexanya’s offering you, you could prove to Child Services that you’re a productive member of society again. Go to Rome. Find yourself. Become the father you were meant to be and get your boy back. Safe journey, my friend! Thanks, Billy! What have you got? Ball and chain not happy. Sorry I’m late! Oh, my gosh. I was finishing up Shavasana and this sandstorm kicked up out of nowhere. I’m okay, though. Ah, Natalka, you look beautiful. Really? Yes, really. Dinner is ruined! Guys, I told you not to wait for me, didn’t I? Remember, we talked about this. Can’t we just take it slow? When I met you guys two years ago, it was the best orgy of my life. Let’s get back to that feeling. It’s there. Hansel. Every relationship has to evolve. And somehow, you’ve managed to stay the same. But you’re gonna have to change, my man. ‘Cause change, she is a-comin’. What? Natalka. All of you? How is this even possible? We thought you’d be happy. Well, I am happy. That, uh Radios It’s just a lot to process, and that’s what I’m doing. To be honest, I’ve never seen myself in this role, you know, as a Radios You mean a father? Well Radios Uh Radios I Radios Let me Radios I want to check on Radios On the camel here! Who am I? Who am I? Hey, Hansel! Billy Zane? Got your Netflix. And this. Thanks very much. No, it’s my bag. Excuse me, I think that’s Radios No, trust me, this is my bag. Just look at the ticket right here. Hansel. Never heard of him, honcho. Look right here at the ticket and you can see that Radios Derek Zoolander. Hi. It’s been a long time. Yeah. Not long enough. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I think I should peace. Wait a minute! We haven’t seen each other since Radios Since the building you designed fell on my face and ruined my career? Yeah, it’s been a while. It was an accident. I didn’t mean to Radios You didn’t mean to build the support beams out of popsicle sticks and highly-flammable rubber cement? That was just a little accident? Yeah. This is it. Forever. Because I promise you, this is the last time we will ever see each other. Right here, this moment. Good-bye forever. Works for me. Hope you’re not an epiplectic, because we’re about to get blinded. Yep. Here we go. Susan Boyle, right here! Take a picture of that! Vultures! I guess with my beard and your disgusting face, they don’t know who we are. Derek! Hansel! Hey, boys. I’m Vip. Vip? Yeah. I’m in charge of social media for Don Atari. I’ve been working for him since I was . How old are you now? Eleven. Should we go to the hotel? Pretty strange, you and I both getting called back to the big stage like this. A gig’s a gig. I’m just doing this to get my son back. Explain how doing a fashion show’s gonna accomplish that. Simple. Child Services hears I’m working again, KKK, a responsible parent, and they give me my son back. Responsible parent? What? You don’t think I could be one? No, it just brings up some junk from the past. I didn’t have a father. It’s kind of my big issue right now. You didn’t have a father? Nah. All my mom ever told me was my dad was a beat cop. Always on the road. The road away from little Hansel. Valentina. You’re going to want to see this. Check out Mr. Disco Barry Gibb. Zoolander is in Rome? Welcome to the Palazzo D’Caca. The entire hotel is biodegradable and made from reclaimed human waste. This is the ultra-exclusive, fully-toxic, Zero-Footprint Suite. The masseuses at the spa are all homeless. And the hotel has complimentary farm-to-table Wi-Fi. Wait Radios We’re rooming together? Mmm-hmm. There must be some mistake. I’ll call Billy Zane. Good idea. Look, tiny phone! That is so retro. I’m gonna take a picture of it with my phone. This is Billy Zane. I’m not here right Radios Well, Don Atari is waiting for you down in the lobby. Oh, and don’t drink the water or you’ll die. I just have one question. Yeah? What in the world is farm-to-table Wi-Fi? You’re asking me? Muchacho, I have no idea. For serious? No! Because when Vip said that, you had this look on your face, like, “I totally know what farm-to-table Wi-Fi is!” I was acting cool ’cause I thought you knew. I thought you knew! No, I just didn’t want Vip to think I was uncool! I miss not knowing things with you. Yeah. Me, too. Why didn’t we do this sooner? Because we’ve both been in hiding since the day I killed my wife and permanently disfigured you. Oh, yeah, that’s probably it. That was the day I lost the fire. The fire? The fire in my face. It’s kind of my big issue right now. You still got it, D-Zone. You’re Derek Zoolander. You stopped a Chinese throwing star in mid-air with a look. I was there. That’s not me anymore. Yes, it is. Hey, flash me that beautiful look. Give me that
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